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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs...phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."
I sometimes stay awake to look out for her cab coming home, but she always comes walking up the drive as I hear the sound of a car leaving, around the corner, as if she has gotten out and walked the rest of the way. Why? Maybe she wasn't in a taxi at all?
I once picked up her cell phone, just to see what time it was. This caused her to go completely berserk. She quickly snatched the phone out of my hand and cursed me hysterically, screaming that I should never touch her personal property, then accused me of trying to spy on her.
Anyway, I have never broached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson Lowrider next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the street around the corner when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my motorcycle that I noticed a small amount of motor oil leaking through the gasket between the rear head and rocker arm cover. So...is this something I can easily repair myself or do you think I should take it back to the dealer?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Another one

The Biker & the Whore A road-wary old biker walks into a saloon to have a cold beer after a long, dusty ride. At the end of the bar, he sees a rather good-looking "lady of the evening". She smiles at him and asks if he's looking for a good time. Well, having been some time since his last snarlin' he accepts. After agreeing on a price, she escorts him up to her room and they start humpin'. After about 10 minutes of furious banging the old biker asks:

"So babe, how am I doin'?"
She replies:
"You're doin' 3 "knots".
"3 knots?.... What's that mean?" replies the biker.
She said: "You're NOT hard, you're NOT in and you're NOT getting your money back!"
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
And another-----------------

A Biker walks into a bar, he takes a seat at the bar and growls:

"Bartender! Get me a drink!" The bartender obliges, and the biker scarfs down the drink. Slamming the glass down on the bar, he growls:
"Bartender! Get me another!" The bartender pours him another drink. After a few more rounds, the bartender attempts some conversation:
"Sir, he says, it seems that you're visibly upset. What's the problem?" The biker looks at him and snorts:
"I just went home and caught my ol' lady screwing my best friend!"
"Oh man," says the bartender, that's rough... "What did you do?" The biker says:
"Well, I grabbed her by the hair, threw her out nekkid, threw her clothes out after her, and told her never EVER to come back."
"Wow," says the bartender in awe: "That's tough man, what did you do to your friend?" "Well," says the biker, "I marched right back upstairs, I grabbed HIM by the scruff of the neck, and I said: BAD DOG."
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 · (Edited)
Bear with me, my bikes been totalled and I'm on drugs----

A biker stops by the local Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up acouple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.

While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?" The biker said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane. I would walk you home but I can't carry this lot." The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in the other hand?" "Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, "Let's take my shortcut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"

The biker said, "Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" The lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 · (Edited)
Bear with me, my bikes been totalled and I'm on drugs----and had a beer too

The Perfect Woman........

• Honey, are you sure you have enough beer for tonight?
• I love you working on the bike on Saturdays, we should do it together on Sundays?
• Honey, I have decided to walk naked at home.
• You are so sexy when you are hungry!
• Sweetheart, what kind of brakes do you want me to buy for the bike?
• Do you mind if we watch the game together tonight and finish a dozen of beers?
• I am going to wash the bike!
• No, No, No. I am changing the motor oil this time.
• Forget about St Valentine we can go for a bike show instead.
• Your mother is so much better than me.
• That's enough! I don't wanna go for shopping anymore. We better stay home, rent some hot movies and ....I can invite my girlfriend to join us.
• Listen, a new striptease bar just opened across the street. Why don't we go and take a look?
• Honey, I just enrolled myself in yoga classes to learn how to put my legs behind my neck. Only for you sweetheart.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
OK, Last one, I promise------------

• A rookie police officer pulled a biker over for speeding and had the following exchange:
• Officer: May I see your driver's license?
• Biker: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
• Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.
• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?
• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?
• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.
• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?
• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:
• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?
• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?
• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.
• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.
• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.
• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.
• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
Yep it's totalled alright

Found out today that it's a done deal bro, she's totalled alright, pics to follow. I'm just really greatful I wasn't hurt worse than I was. Just 5 broken/crushed ribs and a bruised hip and azz. Sucks for sure though. I'm trying to stay positive but it's sure difficult. I don't mean to beat a dead horse but I really liked that bike. I've been riding now for 30+ years and it's been the best bike I've ever owned. Just trying to lighten my mood with a little humor.

Have an appointment with attorney tommorow. The perp who cut me off has already admitted to the dasterdly deed. The two officers who were at the scene tell me that they are willing to go to bat for me in court. However, it going to be a LONG healing process, physically, psychogically and emotionally.

I'm hitting the site alot and trying to stay active and motivitated. It's going to get better but right now IT SUCKS!!!!

I wanted to Ask ,before the chemical kick in full throttle , Did they really Total your Bike ?
 

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Biker Jokes.

A Biker walks into a bar, he takes a seat down at the end of the bar and puts his head down on the bar. The Bartender looks over and ask the fellow, "What will you have?" The Biker replies, "I'll have what ever you have as long as it isn't Schlitz Beer." The bartender gets him a drink and the Man spends several hours just sittin at the bar with his head down drinking. Well this goes on for several weeks and the Biker returns every evening and every evening he orders anything but Schlitz Beer. Finally the Bartender just had to ask the Biker, "Man, you have been coming here for several weeks and I have served you almost every brand of beer we serve except Schlitz, I just have to know what have you got against Schlitz Beer?" The Biker replied, " A couple of weeks ago, A buddy of mine got me a whole case of Schlitz Beer and I drank the whole case and got hammered and I blew chunks!" The Bartender said, "That isn't so bad, Anybody that would drink a case of Schlitz Beer would probably blow chunks!" The Biker shaking his head replied, " Buddy, You just don't understand. Chunks is my Dog!"
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Oooooh Shiz....

Now, that's a good joke.

A Biker walks into a bar, he takes a seat down at the end of the bar and puts his head down on the bar. The Bartender looks over and ask the fellow, "What will you have?" The Biker replies, "I'll have what ever you have as long as it isn't Schlitz Beer." The bartender gets him a drink and the Man spends several hours just sittin at the bar with his head down drinking. Well this goes on for several weeks and the Biker returns every evening and every evening he orders anything but Schlitz Beer. Finally the Bartender just had to ask the Biker, "Man, you have been coming here for several weeks and I have served you almost every brand of beer we serve except Schlitz, I just have to know what have you got against Schlitz Beer?" The Biker replied, " A couple of weeks ago, A buddy of mine got me a whole case of Schlitz Beer and I drank the whole case and got hammered and I blew chunks!" The Bartender said, "That isn't so bad, Anybody that would drink a case of Schlitz Beer would probably blow chunks!" The Biker shaking his head replied, " Buddy, You just don't understand. Chunks is my Dog!"
 

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A Biker walks into a bar, he takes a seat down at the end of the bar and puts his head down on the bar. The Bartender looks over and ask the fellow, "What will you have?" The Biker replies, "I'll have what ever you have as long as it isn't Schlitz Beer." The bartender gets him a drink and the Man spends several hours just sittin at the bar with his head down drinking. Well this goes on for several weeks and the Biker returns every evening and every evening he orders anything but Schlitz Beer. Finally the Bartender just had to ask the Biker, "Man, you have been coming here for several weeks and I have served you almost every brand of beer we serve except Schlitz, I just have to know what have you got against Schlitz Beer?" The Biker replied, " A couple of weeks ago, A buddy of mine got me a whole case of Schlitz Beer and I drank the whole case and got hammered and I blew chunks!" The Bartender said, "That isn't so bad, Anybody that would drink a case of Schlitz Beer would probably blow chunks!" The Biker shaking his head replied, " Buddy, You just don't understand. Chunks is my Dog!"
LMAO :clap2:
 

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A Biker walks into a bar, he takes a seat down at the end of the bar and puts his head down on the bar. The Bartender looks over and ask the fellow, "What will you have?" The Biker replies, "I'll have what ever you have as long as it isn't Schlitz Beer." The bartender gets him a drink and the Man spends several hours just sittin at the bar with his head down drinking. Well this goes on for several weeks and the Biker returns every evening and every evening he orders anything but Schlitz Beer. Finally the Bartender just had to ask the Biker, "Man, you have been coming here for several weeks and I have served you almost every brand of beer we serve except Schlitz, I just have to know what have you got against Schlitz Beer?" The Biker replied, " A couple of weeks ago, A buddy of mine got me a whole case of Schlitz Beer and I drank the whole case and got hammered and I blew chunks!" The Bartender said, "That isn't so bad, Anybody that would drink a case of Schlitz Beer would probably blow chunks!" The Biker shaking his head replied, " Buddy, You just don't understand. Chunks is my Dog!"
NOW that right there is FUNNY AS :edit:
 
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